Excerpt from Entr@pment
From Entr@pment
—GURLGANG CHATROOM—
gothling: ok, chickies, listen up. you people need to learn a lesson here
Ms.T: yes, mum, we listening
gothling: i’ll make you a little wager, my pretties, to see who’s right about the dumber sex <rubs hands evilly>
Ms.T: annie loves a wager
bliss4u: what wager?
gothling: let’s just test yr 2 handsome units. see how much you can really trust them
Ms.T: ah… velly interesting. please to go on
gothling: but you have to put yrselves in my cynical scheming hands. understand?
bliss4u: wait wait. what do you mean how much we can trust them?
gothling: trust means trust
Ms.T: i think annie’s going to steal your boyfriend, honey
gothling: eww
bliss4u: that can’t be legal =)
gothling: sick bags on standby
Ms.T: no seriously, you think I can’t trust beau tanner, star backup to the backup tight end?
gothling: that would be the general idea. you in or you out?
bliss4u: but i still need to hear the bet
gothling: well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? you guys disappear, and 2 mysterious hotties slide in to take your places
Ms.T: TRY to take our places
gothling: whatever
bliss4u: wait. who are they?
gothling: who?
bliss4u: them
gothling: them who?
bliss4u: them! who are THEY?
gothling: what? they’re you, duh!!
bliss4u: what?
gothling: YOU
Ms.T: annie, let me do this. bliss, darlin. here’s the deal. you and i PRETEND to go away. mitch and beau are heartbroken, right?
bliss4u: right . . .
Ms.T: we make them promise to be good till we come back, ok?
bliss4u: sure. k. then what?
Ms.T: then we PRETEND to be someone else, and try to break them down
gothling: there you go
bliss4u: but how do we…? i mean, if they see us…
Ms.T: true. um, annie? online? we make up identities and hit on them from there?
gothling: zackly
Ms.T: e-dentities
gothling: whole new personalities. like costumes and masks and foreign accents. see, bliss?
bliss4u: oooo, i see now. this could be fun…
Ms.T: yeah, I know just how to get to beau baby
gothling: oh, ahem. not so fast, sweetie
bliss4u: now what?
gothling: er, well, just that it won’t be ms. tamra gray and beau baby. it will be… <ta daa> BLISS and beau baby!
bliss4u: excuse me?
gothling: as a different person, of course
bliss4u: what are you talking about?
Ms.T: niiiice. so bliss goes after beau, which leaves me available for … oh NO
gothling: now yer gettin it
bliss4u: help!! I’M not getting it
Ms.T: what’s not to get?
gothling: you trade boys you trade boys you trade boys
bliss4u: now i’m gettin it…
Ms.T: this’ll never work, annie
bliss4u: i don’t get it
gothling: of course it’ll work
bliss4u: we trade boys?
gothling: <slamming forehead on desk once, twice, three times>
ok listen up, campers, everybody take a deep breath
here’s the deal
so, bliss’s grandmother is sick and bliss needs to go help her. tamra, official best friend, gets to go along to keep her company
you with me so far?
bliss4u: but my grandmother is fine
Ms.T: pretending …
gothling: what you really do is hole up at home for a couple of days. we’ll be in chat mode constantly
bliss4u: yay! we could do a sleepover!
gothling: or not…. anywho, while yer “away” 2 very interesting chicks chat up yer boys online
Ms.T: kewl
gothling: lemme see, chessmaster mitch gets his king row invaded by … oh let’s say Tatiana. yeah, Tatiana del Capo, some kind of genius gurl form italy. or no: albania
bliss4u: where’s that?
gothling: and this tatiana chick is played by our very own tamra gray
Ms.T: gee thanks. Ta-tyahn-a from Al-bahn-ya. . . . sounds like a lady wrestler
bliss4u: lol. i like it
gothling: mitch is smart, T. but you got world stuff in yr 47 AP classes, right? of course you did. everything is politics to you
Ms.T: i could look it up
gothling: good. so then beau boy hears from a certain . . . Bridget . . . or Bonnie . . .or . . . little help with that last name, tamra
Ms.T: grindstaff, a banker’s daughter from london
gothling: oooo, yes. and portrayed, of course, by the lovely and talented bliss taylor
bliss4u: i still don’t get it. why me and beau?
Ms.T: we trade boys. it’s crueler that way. more like annie
gothling: it just keeps you … honest. ho ho
Ms.T: nice one, annie
bliss4u: but me and the hottest boy in the state? i don’t think so. you do it yrself annie
gothling: don’t make me come over there
Ms.T: come on, bliss. you can handle this
bliss4u: but he’s so… what would i SAY to him???
gothling: i’ll tell you what to say
Ms.T: oh, you just go: beau, I am utterly muddled by what you americans call football, and you seem like just the chap who could help a poor english girl understand
gothling: perfect
bliss4u: hmmmm, well, but we have to actually see them sooner or later
Ms.T: true. annie?
gothling: not really. bridget and tatiana just have to set them up online
bliss4u: but . . .
gothling: we wing it, k? the point is, they agree to hook up, and then guess who appears?
Ms.T: bliss and tam, of course
bliss4u: i don’t know. this whole thing is kinda sketchy
gothling: what sketchy? it’s a sting. like cops and a speed trap
Ms.T: spies and a politician
bliss4u: but it’s setting them up. how twisted is that?
gothling: law-abiding citizens have nothing to fear. don’t you trust him?
bliss4u: oh puhleeeeze. i trust mitchie completely
Ms.T: i have a question. what are the stakes here? what do we lose if you win, annie?
gothling: oh, you lose plenty
bliss4u: come on. what does that mean?
gothling: yr innocence, for starters
Ms.T: annie thinks we’re naïve. <sigh> no faith, no faith
gothling: well, duh
bliss4u: but why, annie?
gothling: oh, just listen at you. “i trust mitchie completely”
bliss4u: well, i do. so there.
gothling: i rest my case. so there
Ms.T: ok ok so if we lose the bet, we lose our innocence and our faith in men. that’s the best you can do?
gothling: what? you want a money bet? make it 10 bucks. make it 20
bliss4u: yikes. 20 bucks?
gothling: you don’t want to bet money?
Ms.T: no money. and we need a timeline. this isn’t going on forever
gothling: fine. how bout this: we scam them for 3 weeks. WHEN you lose, no matter how mad you are, you have to take them back, where you have to deal with their hurt little egos, knowing you’ll never EVER trust them again.
bliss4u: yowtch
Ms.T: so dark, annie. tsk tsk… and what do we win when we prove you wrong?
gothling: you say
bliss4u: she has to kiss em both—like in middle school :-D
gothling: whatever
Ms.T: eww. no, she has to do something serious. like apologize
bliss4u: to us?
Ms.T: to them. she has to confess the whole thing and admit she was wrong about guys. the hardest thing in the world. especially for annie
gothling: have i mentioned my new black nail polish? not a chip anywhere
Ms.T: girlfriend these guys aren’t like him
bliss4u: who must not be named
gothling: come on, campers. they’re all like that. the ones who don’t cheat are the ones who never got a chance. so do we have a deal or not?
Ms.T: deal
gothling: bliss? you in?
bliss4u: annie, that is so not true about guys. mitch would never ever ever, and I’m sure he’s had chances
Ms.T: really? i haven’t noticed the cheer squad hitting on mitch….
bliss4u: very funny, my former friend
gothling: seriously, when were all these chances to cheat?
bliss4u: i don’t know, k? I just know he would never do it
gothling: then yer in, right? nothing to lose
bliss4u: i’m thinking. there’s something about this that is a little bit sick and wrong
gothling: and yer point is?
Ms.T: lol
gothling: seriously, gurl. if you trust him, then where’s the risk? it’s just a game
bliss4u: i know but still
gothling: plus, you get to know beau a LOT better
Ms.T: hey, easy with that
gothling: think of it as a chance for mitchie to PROVE that yer right about him
bliss4u: hmmm … well …
Ms.T: come one blissie. it’ll be fun. like cosplay
gothling: a masked ball
bliss4u: yeah … i do like a costume
Ms.T: a formal dress, a foreign accent, a shiny little mask on a stick
gothling: or cowgirl boots and a lone ranger mask
Ms.T: it’ll be fun
bliss4u: yeah, it could be
gothling: so yer in?
bliss4u: ok ok i’m in
excerpted from Entrapment: A Comedy, by Michael Spooner, Simon & Schuster / Margaret K. McElderry imprint, New York, 2009